Unrelenting Terror Read online

  There was no receptionist in Dr. Milford’s waiting room this time, being Saturday, though there had been a friendly blond woman the day before. I remembered because her name was familiar to me, reminding me of my own a bit. The thought perplexed me a bit when I saw the name plaque on her desk, which read “Toni”. It wasn’t that much like mine at all, except that both were short for something else.

  It was a little awkward for a few minutes while I waited. It was before four, but only a few minutes. I didn’t know if Milford was with another client or not, or if he was even in, except that the front door had been unlocked and there was a car in the parking lot. Just at three fifty-nine I heard his voice call out. Loud but pleasant sounding. I felt a slight sense of awe wash over me and a tiny sliver of anticipation.

  “Come in, please. It’s time to begin.” The voice came through the door, and I half expected the man to be chatting with the black shape from the kitchen for some reason, but the goateed doctor was alone, wearing a black suit today that reminded me of what the men had all worn to Alex’s funeral. He had a black shirt on too though, with a matching tie. It made him look devilish and a bit spooky. It was wrong to judge a person by their looks, so I tried to set that aside.

  Everything seemed a little freaky to me suddenly, so I probably wasn’t in the best position ever to judge anyone. That was normal though, I had to figure. If you weren't used to seeing ghosts and demons it had to impact you when you did and fear was the logical response to the unknown. It might not help, but it kept you sharp and aware.

  The man stood and gestured to the chair across from him, the same one I’d used the day before. He smiled, which made his pointed beard twitch just a bit and waited for me to settle without saying a word. The chair squeaked as I sat, but didn’t make any other sounds of protest after that, as if it was resigned to its fate. I normally wouldn’t have thought about the burden of being a chair and the idea that I was doing it now sort of tickled me. After all, it was holding me up, taking all of my weight as I pressed down into it, meaning I really was a burden. I was the thing keeping it down. The oppressor in its otherwise simple existence.

  Well, me and gravity.

  Milford stared, his eyes locked on mine for too long, though I held the gaze as well as I could. After ten seconds I felt an urge to look away, but fought it. At twenty seconds I had to give in though, and resettled my focus on the picture he had behind his chair on the wall. It was of a giant pair of disembodied eyes. They were red. A deep blood color that caught my attention as the man took a deep breath. I followed suit without thinking about it, feeling a sudden urge to breathe deeply. It was stronger than I suspected, starting deep inside my lungs, making me yawn hugely.

  He smiled and waved his right hand gently.

  “Did you sleep well last night?” The look he gave me was piercing and there was a serious expression on his face as if it was a real question, not just something said to pass the time. It was like he knew what had happened. Then it was his job to be ahead of me in this game. He was the one with the answers after all.

  “Um, not really. I…” I felt silly now, remembering how I’d panicked and jumped from the bed when I’d felt something crawling in with me. It was probably just my imagination and no doubt he’d tell me so in about ten seconds. For a moment I wanted to lie, to make myself look better, but then I remembered that I had to face my fear and not cover it up. Not to myself and not to the person trying to help me learn to become more than I used to be. That didn’t make it less awkward or embarrassing, just needed.

  I explained the whole situation, and made sure to include each yelp and gasp for completeness, even as I blushed about it. I don’t know why it was, but I really expected the Doctor to mock me for being cowardly. Instead he just nodded and stroked his beard with one finger.

  “That’s a good start then. I take it you weren’t raped by the presence in your bed? Or…?” The question was leading, but it hadn’t even occurred to me that something like that could have happened at all. A shocked expression must have crept over my face as I realized just how bad things might have gotten.

  “That’s a thing?” I didn’t really want to know the answer, but waited for it anyway, my breath feeling tight in my chest. The room suddenly felt close and like the air was thick as I realized that I didn’t totally have a clue as to what I’d gotten into here. My lungs strained a bit to get enough oxygen into my bloodstream and I started breathing more deeply, not even really aware that it was happening. No matter what I did, the air felt heavy and like I couldn’t get enough for some reason. I noticed that my stomach had tightened a bit too and didn't relax as I listened.

  “Of course. Not only is it “a thing”, but even regular people report the symptoms of supernatural rape as happening several times a year. Most block it out, write it off as a dream or a nightmare and try to go on with their life. Once you start down the path you have however, once you begin to unlock the secrets of the mind, such forgetting is nearly impossible. It can range as an experience from wonderful to terrifying, depending on your personal outlook and the events of the moment. That’s not a trivial point, you must ask yourself, do you wish it to happen or not? If you do, then it isn’t rape at all. If not... well, it generally lies outside of the normal person’s ability to control. All you can do is strive to become aware enough, quickly enough to avoid as much of it as possible and seek aid when you need it.” He shrugged, almost looking bored with the subject.

  “But that’s a worry for tonight, as you drift off to sleep, not for now. Tell me, did you sense Alex in all of the things that happened yesterday?”

  I tried to focus and remember, hoping to find something new, but I knew that answer without thinking about it.

  “No. I tried, and even called out loud, but nothing came.” I returned the man’s shrug.

  “Or, well… I mean obviously a lot happened, but it wasn’t what I wanted.”

  Crossing his left leg over his right at the knee, Milford exhaled deeply, the scent of pipe tobacco and some kind of alcohol washed over me. We were about five feet away from each other today, the chairs set closer than they were the day before for some reason. I hadn’t noticed before, but it seemed important now. It meant I had to look up slightly into his eyes.

  “That will come. I can almost guarantee that you’ll reconnect with each other. The most important thing is to remember that once you choose this path, no matter what else happens, no matter how horrifying it may seem at the moment, you must never give in to the temptation to step off of it. That’s a mistake that many make, and it never goes well for them. You can see the world for what it is and understand its mysteries, or at least have a good chance to make it happen, or you can walk around with your eyes closed tight. There is no middle ground. Do you understand what I mean?”

  Did I? I wasn’t sure. On one hand it really did feel like something bad would happen if I quit, but on the other I got the basic idea. You never got anywhere if you kept giving up. Was that what he meant? I didn’t feel like asking, to tell the truth. The man was a little intimidating around the edges. Not so much I was afraid of him in a physical sense, but enough that I didn’t want to make waves. It was a deeper insight than I’d expected to make, just learning to see and talk to ghosts.

  “I think I do. Parts of it at least. Is that good enough?” When in doubt, ask a question. It would let me feel things out without making the man angry.

  He smiled and nodded just a bit, an almost imperceptible movement of the head.

  “Yes. The basic idea here is a simple one. Don’t give up. No matter what happens, make certain you seek the end of this journey. Really it’s good advice for most things. Don’t you think?” His voice had gone slightly silky as I listened, so I nodded, straining a bit to hear him as he got softer.

  “Excellent. Let’s begin our session for the day then. Today I want to work on helping you to open your deepest sense of self to the outer world. It will allow you to perceive so much more than yo
u ever dreamed of. I warn you though, this is very serious. You must make an effort to follow along today, using all of your focus and concentration to try and keep up. Stay interested and alert at all times. Doing anything else may prove very dangerous. Possibly deadly.” He didn’t describe why, just clapping suddenly instead. It sent a wave through me as I started from it.

  “Very good. You remember the rules for this? You’ve agreed that I’m in charge here and also to make what I say happen within your own mind without hesitation or hedging. There’s no room for anything except that for this moment, until I tell you otherwise.” He stood, just standing in front of his chair, his head over mine looking down.

  “Eclipse.”

  The word hung in the air, surrounded by white on either side in my mind, in black letters on the screen that Dr. Milford had me build the day before. I tried to remember what I’d felt like before, when the word had been established. I’d been relaxed, and focused, reading the words he said on the screen in my mind. From left to right. I found myself doing that now as well, the words in my mind showing the action, as if narrating a story. It felt like the most important thing ever. I couldn't stop now and felt the words as if they were tangible things almost.

  “Good. Can you see the screen in your mind now?”

  “Yes.” It was clearer today, almost real in front of me, I felt the points of contact on my hands, the weight of it. The texture, and the warmth trapped by my own flesh. The words were normal, but so interesting I couldn’t take my eyes off of them or stop reading. I wanted to keep doing it forever.

  “What I’d like you to do now is go much deeper than you ever have before, focusing as tightly as possible on the words before you, reading them one at a time. Once you decide to do that, please take a breath, to signal that you’re beginning.” He waited as the screen became even crisper in front of me, as it became real, the words already written for me somehow.

  I knew what was coming next.

  He sat again, sighing and re-crossed his legs, black suit pants making just the faintest sound as he did it. A sense of dread came from deep within the most primitive parts of myself, like a real threat had just entered the room, at first if felt it as a stirring in my stomach, but soon it grew, expanding into fear, and a few moments later something frightful enough that I wanted to run.

  I read the words on the page, unaware as to if the man in front of me spoke at all anymore, fear and focus consuming me. The presence was coming. The black thing. I knew not to look at it. Not to acknowledge it at all. It was there, caressing my cheek in my mind. A voice said my name, but it was just the Doctor, nothing supernatural. I felt confused by the presence that I'd felt and for a second didn't know what to do, but then I settled and relaxed, just paying attention. It was the best thing to do in a new situation, as long as someone else was in charge.

  I waited for the instructions, knowing that as they came the form, the dark being, would become sharper, clearer to my thoughts. My eyes were wide open, and I would have sworn that I was alone suddenly, just me and a few vague sounds in my living room. The words on the page said not to look behind me. They said it was alright to be afraid, to run into the night away from the unknown.

  “Focus now. Don’t let go of this. The darkness is all around you, always. Light is an illusion, only darkness is real. Accept the darkness into you and you will grow in strength. In power. It’s the only way to truly defeat death. If you refuse now, you’ll die, and everything you’ve ever done will be wasted. Your love will be gone from you forever. Concentrate and give yourself over to me totally, so that I can save you from the darkness of death.” The voice wasn’t Dr. Milford’s this time. It was something much deeper, an ancient thing that sounded like dust and smelled like ruin.

  It wasn’t really a voice I realized, it was just coming from inside my head as I read the words in my mind. I blinked and looked at the tablet in my hands for a few seconds, then started reading again.

  Somehow it all seemed real. Deeper than I’d expected to go. More than I thought I could go. Worse, it felt like something black and evil was hanging over me. I was confused by it so tried to focus harder, hoping to understand.

  “Listen.” The voice in my head hissed the words, then waited for me to do just that, to give it full attention, like I’d never done before, nothing else in the world even seemed to matter anymore.

  “Your mind is opening, letting me inside. The harder you fight against me, the easier it is for me to become one with you. It is what must happen and what will happen. Do you understand?”

  I didn’t answer. I didn’t know how to answer. It wasn’t what I wanted, this dark thing talking to me, but I knew that I’d already committed to the path I was on. That meant I had to answer and do what the thing wanted. I wanted to see my love again, that meant I had to have power. I didn’t want to die, so I had to let go of my protections.

  “The false protections taught you by a world that is easily fooled. They don’t work. They are fairytales meant to let most humans get through the day without screaming as the night falls. Within you is the ability to do better than that. You will scream. ” The voice answered, though I knew I hadn’t spoken out loud at all.

  “Do you understand my little horse?”

  “Yes.” It was the only answer I had for the voice. The words on the page. That’s how it seemed at least. Somewhere in the whole thing it felt like I’d lost the doctor altogether.

  “Good. Tonight you will do what I say, you will see what I want you to. You will know the full form of my darkness and feel my touch on you when I choose. You will acknowledge the fear within you, give into it fully, so that you may let it go. Fear unchallenged is death. Do you want to die?”

  The question hung on the page in front of me.

  “Do you want to die?”

  As if that were a real thing to ask. Did anyone want to die? Anyone sane and without serious depression issues at least?

  “No, I want to live.” I felt a finger of fear run down my spine, a cold sense that death was hovering right there, waiting for me to give a different answer.

  “Good.” The word was so deep and drawn out I could feel the breath vibrating in the air, wondering what the heck was going on. I was reading the words, and knew I couldn’t fight them, but where had the voice come from? It didn’t seem to be anything Dr. Milford was doing. He was talking in the background, a gentle murmur, but he wasn’t the thing that had spoken to me, whatever it was.

  Nothing new was on the page for a while, just a line that seemed to explain what had happened, a few words that let me come back to the surface just the tiniest bit, so that I heard the Doctors words again with my own ears. It still sounded like it came from within my head, and I still saw the words on the page in front of me, but it was different now, for some reason. Crisper and more easily understood for one thing. Like I was just reading again and imagining it all happening to me. Like everything made sense now.

  The Doctor spoke in a relaxed tone.

  “Staying in this focused state, I’d like you to answer some questions. You can do that, can’t you?”

  “Yes.” I thought I could. Hadn’t I already been doing that though? All that stuff about not wanting to die? What else was there to ask? that was kind of the most important question, wasn't it?

  “What do you think the greatest fears of human beings are? The unconquerable ones that we’re all born with?” I looked up to see him, sitting as he was in front of me, not hidden by the page or the words.

  “Um…” The truth was I didn’t know. All I knew was what scared me.

  “Death?” I waited, but no answer came from the man as my eyes went back to tracing the words on the page in front of me, left to right. Then switch to the next line down.

  “Uh… Snakes? Spiders? Public speaking?” I felt silly saying the words, but heard myself as if from a distance, my voice sounding hollow and like someone else controlled it.

  Dr. Milford smiled.

  “Tho
se are good fears, common things that most have, and you should explore them all later, when you go home, or before you sleep tonight. The primal human fears are simpler than that, more basic and clear.” He waited for a long time, no new words coming up on the screen in my head.

  “Falling and the fear of loud, sudden noises. Everything else is learned. A baby is innocent even of death. It is only in the adult that we have enough learning to be truly afraid. That, fear, is the only thing stopping you from having everything you want. You want to see your love again? You can. Alex is not hidden from you, only your own desire not to be afraid is stopping you from fully connecting there. Are you willing to truly let yourself experience real fear, if it will save you? If it will let you know the world around you and give you everything you ever dreamed of?”

  I didn’t know. Not at first. Finally I nodded, the feeling of the tablet in my hand, the words I was about to speak already on the page below where I looked. It was written, so I didn’t have a choice except to say it out loud.

  “I am.”

  The Doctor straightened a bit.

  “Good, let go of your protections then and let’s really begin, shall we?”

  Chapter three

  “The trick isn’t a trick at all, of course. No one will try to fool you. We don’t need to. All you have to do is hold the state you are in and follow my directions. When you feel yourself drifting, bring your attention back to the task at hand and seek to see and feel what is really in the world around you, even when it brings fear or terror. I’ll help you through these initial stages, then later, as you experience more and have greater context for things, you can do it for yourself.