Without Rhythm (The Lament) Read online

  Then he left, jogging away himself. Hopefully she hadn't made him too late, since she really wanted him to like her and getting into trouble for helping her on the first day wouldn't promote that at all.

  The shower was a small thing, barely big enough for her to stand in, but it worked the same as every shower did. You turned a spigot on and warm water came out. She tried to just get herself damp enough under the spray for the soap to work, remembering what Roy had told her. It still felt good to get clean. She really was tempted to stay in and just let the water wash away the last couple of days, but that wasn't going to work and she had a feeling that being self-disciplined all the time was something she'd have to work on now. She'd been pretty driven before, practicing daily, pushing to do more, but it wasn't a constant thing at all. She'd had some time to play and relax, she realized. That probably wasn't going to happen anymore.

  After she dressed and put her new gear in her room, inside the little chest bolted down to the foot of her cot, the towel hanging up on a wall mounted bar to dry like Roy's was, she jogged outside, trying not to seem too lazy. It was hard, since her head still felt full of wool, but she did it. There was no one in the front of the ship, but she could see the twenty or so lines that tied the thing down now, the daylight being just enough for her to make them out.

  She looked around hard, but there didn't seem to be anyone around at all yet. Except that when she turned Mara was there, smiling at her as if she'd won a prize.

  "Brilliant. Definitely the best new apprentice ever. I figured you'd sleep for most of the day, and here you are, ready to stand watch and everything. You've eaten and all that, right? Don't need to use the facilities or anything?"

  Pran nodded, which was apparently enough for the woman, who suddenly gave her a very intense look.

  "Good. Look, I don't really know what the others expect from you. Honestly I don't care. I already know that you're tough enough for this job and that you have the brains for it. What I don't know is how total your commitment is. That's the key here Pran. Guardian Pran. Can you give everything you are, all the time, to the task at hand? I'll warn you, most can't. That's the special skill of the Guardians, if we have one. Not strength or fighting prowess or even our tools. Just a willingness to do what's needed all the time. That you got yourself up and going is... really about the best sign of that I can imagine right now, but you have to keep doing it. Think you can?"

  The look was expectant, but not judging. She watched closely though, waiting for something.

  "I... Have to, don't I? There isn't anything else for me. I won't lose this chance. I know that I should be reciting some oath or something, rather than saying that need is driving me, or claiming that I secretly always wanted this, but I didn't. I don't even really know what being a Guardian means. I can't lose this though, so darned straight I'm going to commit to it totally. I either make this work, or learn a whole lot more about whoring." It sounded a little bitter, but earned a soft smile from the woman in front of her.

  "Both easier and more fun in the long run, being a whore, even when you factor in the beatings and occasional rapes. You won't have to deal with rape a lot at least, unless you're taking down the criminal. Not after you get some training. There will be beatings either way, no helping that. Everything has its hardships."

  She looked around, over the open field, the large empty space around them, and off at the trees in the distance. Then slowly she regarded the sky as well.

  "On guard duty or watch all Guardians hold a receptive and focused state constantly. Empty your mind of all personal concern and thought, noting everything in your environment and let it surprise you constantly. It keeps the mind awake and allows you to be aware of changes in your environment. It isn't a small thing, but rather a complex skill that you have to embrace without reservation. Most people fail in doing this, if they haven't had years of practice. On the good side, once you do it right, and that won't take a lot of time to learn, it will make your reflexes about sixty percent faster. From this point on I'd like you to stay in that state at all times. Empty of thought, but aware and focused. Try to do that now and don't stop. You'll find yourself drifting away at times, or day dreaming. When you notice that, just go right back to the focused state as best you can."

  Pran nodded again, trying to sense everything around her, letting her personal thoughts drift away. She stood watching, like she hoped she was supposed to, while Mara walked off for a while. A long while. It was a bit boring, but that, Pran realized, was probably one of those thoughts she shouldn't be having. It was hard and thoughts about music and painting kept coming back into her head. Oddly enough she also had some about Roy's abs. He'd have made a good model for a sculpture. The face was less than perfect, but the body...

  She pulled back and tried to empty her mind again, starting over. It kept having to be done, almost every ten seconds, but when the female Guardian finally came over she was doing a bit better.

  "Keep clear and be receptive. Now, paying close attention to how your body moves, I want you to follow me. Don't try to control your body overly yet, just focus on what it's doing, just like you're doing with everything else."

  That was about twenty times harder it seemed, her mind jarring with every step she took, the feeling of her feet against the ground making little noises, though Mara's didn't. She noticed that and saw that the woman was placing her feet very carefully with each step, toes pointed down as they walked through the cool and moist grass. It wasn't done on purpose, but she started to copy what the other woman was doing, still not as silent, but doing better as they moved along. Her mind wandering often, being brought back to that focus on everything only with effort. It felt like it was hard to breathe after a bit, like she was smothering under the weight of the new activity.

  She kept going, since she'd agreed to total commitment and everything.

  Mara started running, a soft jog. The instant that happened, Pran broke out of her focused state.

  "Crud." She whispered the words and then fought for control again.

  Mara kept going.

  "Focus now. Movement activates the mind, but that can be turned to greater focus with practice. Try it."

  They jogged slowly for a while, in a circle around The Lament. Just outside the ropes, which were all tied off carefully, in identical fashion. Except one.

  "Mara?" Pran stopped, pointing at the thing, trying desperately to not break out of the state she was in. It didn't work totally, but she was able to pay attention to the cool air on her skin and the stress of her left hand as the single finger pointed.

  "Good catch. This isn't right. You stay and guard it and I'll get the duty watch. This is ship's business, so we just report it, unless it overlaps with our own. Don't let the alert state drop."

  After the woman ran away, going much faster than the light movement they'd been using Pran realized she probably didn't have to continue pointing at the heavy bit of twisted rope. After all there was no one to see her doing it. Instead she watched, trying to see and hear everything. It was hard to do, even in the relative silence of the morning. Birds sang and the wind shifted and blew irregularly, reminding her of things long past. Things from the orphanage, and when she was a child. They weren't bad memories, but they weren't what she was supposed to be thinking of.

  Just as she managed to get them to shut up for a bit, a song started to run through her head. It was one she'd written, a simple tune for mandolin. That took a lot more focus to force from her mind and kept coming back, no matter what she did. Luckily there was some distraction a few minutes later when the older woman from the night before came out and saw what they were talking about.

  She had a cup of coffee in her right hand and nodded at the thing when she saw it.

  "Good call. Overhitch instead of underhitch knot. Not a real problem, but we'll need to get this one free first when we lift, or the pulling on it can cause lagging in line release. I'll note it in the log and warn the others. New apprentice caught
that you say?" The woman sipped at her cup, steel gray hair moving slightly above her brown outfit.

  Mara nodded, smiling like she normally did.

  "Yes. She missed the people sneaking in from the woods, so don't praise her too highly. Just a few of your crew, out on the town no doubt, but she should have noticed them. Toward the south, off to your right Pran." There was no pointing or suggestion that she do anything about it, at all.

  She tried to shift her focus, without staring directly, since that always gave you away. Anyone that had ever been in school knew that. You waited for the professor to turn away before passing the note or doing whatever it was you didn't want seen.

  "Wondered why you bothered getting me out of my cot for this. Alright. I don't suppose you two would be willing to help me round them up? We have prisoners after all and that means everyone is supposed to be on alert, not off playing in town, or getting drunk. I just don't feel like chasing them around myself." She finished her cup of coffee first, in a few quick swallows, and moved to set it down on the ground.

  "I think that will make an acceptable morning exercise for the new girl. Pran, what I'd like you to do is run to the far side of the ship, then use it for cover as you go into the woods. Be as silent as possible, and double around behind the watchers. It should take you about ten minutes. The Captain and I will stay here. Try to stay in this mental state the whole time. It will be difficult, given the new terrain, but make the effort."

  Pran got the feeling that warnings to stay in the right state were going to be pretty frequent from then on. Still, it was apparent that Mara was right, the second she got into the woods, jogging instead of trying for anything faster. She was getting a little winded already, which probably meant she'd have to run every day or something from that point on. It wasn't her favorite thing, but she tried to do what she was told and make her way around the correct position. The woods weren't thick or anything, but they did provide enough cover at least. When she got there Pran realized something.

  She had no clue what she was supposed to do next.

  Not having a clue she just walked up next to the two women and the man with them, who were huddled far too close together if they were trying to really hide. They were behind some bushes, but wearing bright colored red and blue clothing. It was cheery and made her feel a bit nostalgic, but she tried to block that out, not remembering her time at school and doing similar things.

  Instead she whispered trying to pretend to be a Guardian, making them all jump noisily.

  "They know you're here. You might as well just go out and throw yourself on the Captain's mercy. She's had some coffee, so maybe she won't be too mad?" It wasn't likely, not if they were breaking some kind of big rule. Still, better than if the woman was still half asleep.

  "Fu... I knew we were missing one of them suddenly. So much for her just going off to breakfast." It was a blond woman that didn't look all that old, but seemed more than a little tipsy even if it was early.

  The man just stood up. He looked old once she saw his face, weathered and lined, with a red nose that had the spider veins of a chronic drinker. Pran recognized it from her make-up class. They'd had to learn to fake that kind of thing after all. In case it was needed for a play or skit.

  "Might as well just go in then. Freaking Guardian snitches." The words were grumbled and low, not meant for her to hear exactly, but she grinned, trying to copy Mara's expression.

  "I'd feel worse, but you all did such a bad job of hiding. Let's go. You can all walk in front and jog a bit. It will make you look less drunk. Try not to throw up. Nothing will give you away faster than that. When we get there try not to talk. Go..." It wasn't the first time she'd tried to help people not seem overly drunk to get past the people in charge after all. Normally they were younger kids that had been too stupid to make it in the long run, but she wanted these folks to like her, or at least not hate her too much.

  "Freaking run?" The other woman, who was dark and thin could barely stand or speak, which was kind of funny.

  Remembering her own job requirements Pran focused and tried to pay attention to everything, which allowed her to notice the clicking behind her as the last man tried to sneak away.

  "You too. Unless you think you can make it around the woods before the Captain gets a count of all the people on board? I doubt that's very likely, but if you want to try it..."

  The man sighed and just shook his head. He had a dull look to his eyes, like someone truly slow, but he didn't try to run or fight, he just started jogging toward the ship, which got the others moving. Following him. It really did make him look better at least, leading them all.

  It took about three minutes, because the field was decently large and drunk people didn't run very fast or in perfectly straight lines. The dark haired woman tried to stop halfway there, but Pran patted her shoulder gently, getting the move shrugged off with a bit of anger.

  "End up losing liberty for a month over this."

  Pran didn't know what that meant. Maybe being locked up in the cell? Or at least her room when not on shift. It sounded about right, but it was the woman's own fault for being stupid. It turned out not to be that bad though, even though the Captain yelled at them all for dereliction of duty.

  In fact they weren't even all the way to the ship when she started in on them. Not Pran, but the others.

  "I do not believe this! We came under attack last night and you three went sneaking off into town to get wasted? Worse, you let Dovish go along with you!" She pointed to the large slow looking man, heaving a sigh.

  "I can't believe that. Did you let him drink too? Dovish, come here..." She waited for the big man to move in, sniffed his breath and winced a little, but did it again.

  "Berry juice? At least you all had that much sense. Fine. I'll cut you some slack then. Two weeks no liberty in town. If you have to leave the ship you need a keeper and by crap you better have cleared it with me or the watch first, or I swear I'll set you off at the next port. Understood?" They all nodded except the big man, who just stood dumbly.

  "Go, get some coffee, you all have the long day watch now. You too Dovish. Get with engines. I want that place so sparkling I can eat off the floor by mid day meal, understood?" her voice was considerably less harsh with him than the others.

  When he spoke it was clear as to why. He sounded young, like a child. His face was attractive enough, but it was clear that something inside his head just didn't work right.

  "Sorry ma'am. I weren't trying to cause no trouble."

  "I know, but you left when we might have needed you. Don't do that again, alright?"

  "Yes'm"

  Then, as a group the ship crew went inside, leaving Mara to smile about the whole thing.

  "Not always a solid bunch, though decent over all. People can get lazy over time, but this is a dangerous watch. People try to do something to the ship at least once or twice a year. Since we can never know who will be doing what, we need to stay ready all the time. You've dropped out of state by the way. You can tell when it happens, because the eyes focus differently. I'll have you practice that in a week or two, so you can see the difference for yourself."

  Pran sighed and tried to get back into the right mindset as soon as possible. They spent the rest of the morning running. They'd dash for a bit, then walk, jog for a while then stand and watch. There was no real pattern to it, which was, Mara assured her, on purpose.

  "Don't let yourself move in a rhythm. If you do people can anticipate what you'll do next. Work without any pattern at all and people can't understand what you're doing. Many won't even be able to see or hear you at times. It takes a lot of practice to master, because we're all creatures of habit. I'd like you to hold that in mind as well as trying to stay alert and focused all the time. Use patterns when you want to interact with others, and break them when you don't." Then the woman waved toward the far side of the airship.

  "Take that side for a while. I'll be trying to sneak up on you, so don't make it t
oo easy. It's an open space, so you should be able to spot me three times out of five, if you really try."

  It was harder than it sounded and Pran managed one in four to start with, feeling a little frustrated, until she realized that it might be harder to sneak up on her if she tried to be a little random too, like she'd been told, instead of standing in place and waiting.

  She spun suddenly and crouched down, then shuffled in this awkward state to the right two waddles. There was no Mara, so she jumped and ran for a bit, realizing as she did that the very act of running was a pattern, slowing to a walk she fought to make it irregular, her breath feeling tight inside as she did, the staggering, limping and scattered movement hard to maintain even for a couple of steps. She just wanted so badly to make it into a pattern that it moved back into one on its own. That was nearly a constant thing.

  On top of that, trying to break her natural rhythm was making it too hard to pay attention to anything else. She struggled for it, seeing Mara as the woman stepped up alongside her, having closed a lot of ground before being noticed.

  "This is harder than it sounds like. A lot." Pran tried not to sound grumpy about it, but that didn't work very well. "I keep losing focus while trying to do it. Plus I look like I'm drunk, instead of like you do."

  "It takes practice. We'll work on this every morning for the time being. Right now we probably don't need a ship watch, since the crew can do that in the daylight. I need to get some sleep soon, so I'll put you on early watch with the Judge. She does her own exercises early, so follow along with her and make sure she doesn't have any problems. Stand guard, and come get me or Clark if she needs to leave the ship for any reason. We sleep in shifts, but if we go into town, given the recent activity here, we all go. Armed too. I noticed that you didn't arm yourself? You need to do that before your next duty. I'd suggest a cudgel for now, since you don't have training and should be on the ship. You get the idea, right? If you have to protect the Judge, you hit people in the head with it, over and over again. It lacks elegance but most people can't defend against it if you really try hard." She didn't mention how to find such a thing though. Or where to find the Judge, so Pran asked, hoping it wasn't a stupid thing to need to know.